Friday, July 5, 2013

Oh Where, Oh Where did Mommy go?

Oh where, oh where did Mommy go?? What a good question!!

Well it began with this in the beginning of March....
Then that led to a lot of time here....

And if I wasn't found in my bed I could be found here...

The pregnancy has been going well but not the greatest. I haven't been throwing up all the time like I did with  my first two pregnancies but I did get a nice ear virus in the beginning that left me able to do nothing but sit and lay down or I would fall down! Dang vertigo. 

Then after that I have been battling with no motivation and no desire to do dittly squat. I have not quilted in 4 1/2 months expect in absolute in absolute necessity, which surprisingly is was about none! 

Then today I found out this...

We are welcoming in our fourth little baby boy into our family. I am not going to lie and say that I was 100% happy with this discovery but I am glad to have another little boy. 

Today I went through a bunch of different highs and lows and it all has to do with that little stick between his legs. All of the boys were very disappointed with this new discovery. Brandon was in tears for the rest of the visit, and Nathan was in shock for a good 15 minutes. 

I was okay for most of the day and then this afternoon I crashed! I started crying for the lose of my phantom baby girl. I suddenly thought all the hard times I have been through these past months such as  living in a messy home, cooking barely at all and going through the wonderful emotional hormone roller coaster. I was upset that I was doing this all again for another boy. Then was mortified at that thought that entered my mind.  I wasn't angry that I didn't have a girl but sad, but then I got angry because I was sad. 

After telling Travis all my thoughts he became the sweetest and kindest through this pregnancy and laughed at me. He said that he knew how I was feeling and that it was okay and apologized for laughing at me! Now Trav has been good through this pregnancy but there has been a definitively a lack of sympathy or support during this 4th pregnancy. He loves me dearly and I know that but all those concerns for my back aches and stomach aches have gone on a hike. I wonder if this is common with most dads. 

I know that as soon as this baby is ready to make it's appearance in  November I will love this child and as much as any new mother but for now I can be sad for my phantom girl. 

One good thing that has happened from today (to leave a positive note)...

I started quilting for the first time since all of this happened. I would like to finish this by the 15th and I think I can do it. 
(my next Moda Bake Shop project)

I guess what I needed all along was my sewing machine to calm my troubled emotions.