Friday, July 5, 2013

Oh Where, Oh Where did Mommy go?

Oh where, oh where did Mommy go?? What a good question!!

Well it began with this in the beginning of March....
Then that led to a lot of time here....

And if I wasn't found in my bed I could be found here...

The pregnancy has been going well but not the greatest. I haven't been throwing up all the time like I did with  my first two pregnancies but I did get a nice ear virus in the beginning that left me able to do nothing but sit and lay down or I would fall down! Dang vertigo. 

Then after that I have been battling with no motivation and no desire to do dittly squat. I have not quilted in 4 1/2 months expect in absolute in absolute necessity, which surprisingly is was about none! 

Then today I found out this...

We are welcoming in our fourth little baby boy into our family. I am not going to lie and say that I was 100% happy with this discovery but I am glad to have another little boy. 

Today I went through a bunch of different highs and lows and it all has to do with that little stick between his legs. All of the boys were very disappointed with this new discovery. Brandon was in tears for the rest of the visit, and Nathan was in shock for a good 15 minutes. 

I was okay for most of the day and then this afternoon I crashed! I started crying for the lose of my phantom baby girl. I suddenly thought all the hard times I have been through these past months such as  living in a messy home, cooking barely at all and going through the wonderful emotional hormone roller coaster. I was upset that I was doing this all again for another boy. Then was mortified at that thought that entered my mind.  I wasn't angry that I didn't have a girl but sad, but then I got angry because I was sad. 

After telling Travis all my thoughts he became the sweetest and kindest through this pregnancy and laughed at me. He said that he knew how I was feeling and that it was okay and apologized for laughing at me! Now Trav has been good through this pregnancy but there has been a definitively a lack of sympathy or support during this 4th pregnancy. He loves me dearly and I know that but all those concerns for my back aches and stomach aches have gone on a hike. I wonder if this is common with most dads. 

I know that as soon as this baby is ready to make it's appearance in  November I will love this child and as much as any new mother but for now I can be sad for my phantom girl. 

One good thing that has happened from today (to leave a positive note)...

I started quilting for the first time since all of this happened. I would like to finish this by the 15th and I think I can do it. 
(my next Moda Bake Shop project)

I guess what I needed all along was my sewing machine to calm my troubled emotions.


mammafairy said...

Oh, I know a little girl would have been nice, but I am sure your new little man will bring all the love that is needed with him!

Congratulations on the next little one anyway!

PS, you have that horrible word verification thingy going on- could you perhaps get rid of it? please? Just do not allow anonymous comments, and you should be ok without it...

Michelle said...

I think that by the fourth pregnancy everyone has decided that we're good at it and don't need the help and support that first and second time moms get.

I had three boys in a row, so I think I can understand the feeling. We wouldn't trade them for the world, but it's time for some RUFFLES!

Brenda said...


This is why I never wanted to know what it was inside my body - let it be a surprise. Like that Christmas present from Santa, you have to wait till Christmas day to find out so....

And I am sure I would have felt the same way about my last daughter - I only have two, but I wanted a boy both times, and the first, okay, I will get him next time. It was bad enough I got pregnant while going to weigh watchers to loose weight before I got pregnant (that was depressing in itself...:( ) but to find out this was NOT a boy!?!! Oh, that would have done me in for the whole pregnancy!! ;)

I am glad to read you took some time to let your creative self play - and you know what? A mother with boys is a well loved mother and I know that is true!! Boys might wreak your stuff, but girls really do a number on your heart - so enjoy your boys!! (and girls really do take your heart and do a number on it!) I am at the tail end (I hope!!!) of my DD's growing pains, but that, well, this has been a rough few years!! November will be here before you know it so enjoy this pregnancy! And take it easy!! I have also hear boys don't know how to walk!!! ;)

Jo said... sorry things have been hard. I know after two girls, I was really, really, wanting a boy. It's all normal and natural to have the up and down emotions. It's good that you talk about it as some women just deny that it's true. By the time this little guy makes his appearance you'll be all ready to accept him for who he is. He'll probably be more wonderful and special than any girl you could have imagined.

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Anonymous said...

I mean this in a respectful manner: While I can understand your initial disappointment on your baby not being a girl, please keep in mind that there are some of us out there who are childless (and not by choice) and would be so grateful to be blessed with just one baby, boy or girl.

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