Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Normal


Some would say that there is no "normal" and that every child is different and that is okay. With that being said, is this normal??

-Punching a fellow student in the eye for calling Mr. Robles by a silly name?

-Kicking a new student in class?

-Become so obsessed with not sleeping that we can't sleep because it is "too dark".

-Insist on doing any type of word puzzle even though we have no idea how to do it.

- Has a new favorite show, the Monk? We like it because he solves things and has a cool song in the beginning.

- Is on the "girl's team" that "fights" with the boys.

These are just SOME of the things that Brandon is doing right now. Some would say that this is just Brandon, and I agree. This is Brandon and his quirks, but normal? I would say no. What is it? Asperger's Syndrome. Is it fun having this? No. Would I wish any other child have this? No. Do I know what to do to help Brandon? No. What can I do right now to help Brandon? Love him and try again to help him understand rules at school and encourage him to do different things.

As a mother of special needs children I have stopped judging parents long ago. Realizing that I don't know the situation and they are probably handling everything the best that they can. But today I realized I still do judge, I judged parents that had children that hit or hurt other children. What do I have now? Children (both Brandon and Nathan) kicking and hitting kids at school. Whether they are bugging them or annoying them, or what Brandon says "bothering me", my children are reacting with violence. Do we encourage this at home? No. Do we do everything we can to stop it? Yes. Do I know what to do to stop it? No. Have I tried everything that I can think of? Yes.

I think as a parent the hardest thing is trying to protect your child the best that you can. You love them and do everything that you can for them. I love my boys with all my heart and do my best every day to make them happy and teach them. At times like this when they are doing things that I know they have been taught not to do, I feel like a failure and feel lost.

I used to look at thing in a very black and white perspective, but not anymore, I realize that there are a lot more gray areas. You never know what is going on with someone unless you have been in their shoes.

My only hope is that we can resolve the issues with Brandon and Nathan hurting children at school soon.

3 comments:

Amy and Cody said...

Crystal, I've always thought this, and this post makes me think it all over again. You are an incredible mother. Incredible. A lot of parents think they are great moms, but I think you are better. It's easy to be a good mom when your children don't have struggles to overcome. I read other people's blogs that are complaining about little things (dumb things!) and you post something like this. It's insightful. You are doing such a great job, and I hope you get the fighting with the other children resolved soon. I know you will think of something. I'm glad to be able to read your blog and know what a self-less person you are, always thinking of others and trying to make every day count for your little boys. You are such a great mom.

JT, Carly, Boston, Jocelyn and Snuggles said...

You don't know me, but I found your blog. I have a 3 year old with Aspergers. Sometimes I tell myself "He's so normal." Then he does something totally socially inappropriate like getting right in other kids faces or having so much anxiety in front of other kids that he just freaks out and I'm reminded this is "not normal." I don't know what normal really is, but Asperger's definately presents some unique challenges. Your post made me realize once again that this will be an issue for the rest of his life, but we Mom's will keep trying to help our kids. You sound like a great Mom. Hang in there. -Carly

Sweet Grandma Rita said...

Crystal, It is never easy to raise children, even the ones that do not have the special challenges. The ones that have special challenges are hard and sometimes at certain times in their life it is even harder. A very wise and loved friend of mine once told me, never give up and never quit praying for them. As I have said about what I am dealing with . . Heavenly Father never gives us more then we can handle. He knows us better then we even know ourselves. Especially with our chilren, they are His and He sends them to the place where they have the best chance. You are a good Mom and never forget that your home is where Heavenly Father thinks is the best for them. Love you and you are in my prayers.